Why do we go to war?
My actual answer:  In America, to protect our country or freedom in other countries. 
What I wanted to say:  Because God is angry.  Probably at you.

What was the most interesting trial you’ve had?
My actual answer:  Well, my most recent trial involved a woman who alleged she got carpal tunnel syndrome at a pizza restaurant, when she really got it engaging in a side business about which she lied.  She lost.
What I wanted to say:  The Scopes Monkey Trial.

Where did you sleep in Iraq?
My answer:  In a single-wide trailer this time.  In 2003, I was in a tent that a few of us had to erect. 
What I wanted to say:  In the dirt, while you slept under the blanket of freedom I was providing.

How long was the plane ride to Iraq?
My answer:  More than a day, when the stops were included…about 20 hours.
What I wanted to say:  Long enough that my butt was tingling like yours does after a spanking.

Can the planes land somewhere secret and covered up?
My answer:  Sort of.  Helicopters can land just about anywhere, but most planes can’t.  We had C-130s landing where I was in ’03, as the runway was not very developed, but now, larger planes can come in and out.
What I wanted to say:  Yes, it’s called the Persian Gulf.

Do y’all go to counseling or something for when you shoot a bunch of people for a long time and then come back and think you’re wanting to beat your wife?
My answer:  All of us had to meet with a counselor when we got back, and we can continue at the VA if we want to.
What I wanted to say:  Sure, AA each week.