Three months ago, I was finishing my second AEF rotation in Iraq.  Now, I’m watching an expanding wife get more pregnant, teaching a nearly 2-year-old how to poop somewhere besides the floor,  trying to rebuild a civilian law practice, and reconciling bruised relationships with the members of my Guard unit I commanded for several months (incidentally, I learned I would be OIC upon landing in Balad).  According to the public service announcements looped on the armed forces network in Iraq, where I am–the 3 month point–is where many returning troops begin to struggle again after thinking they’re back on track and readjusted. 

I thought a good way to “deal” with the feelings the PSAs told me about was to go to the local elementary school to talk about my experience with a bunch of unsuspecting children on “career day.”  I kept the introduction I was required to give short for two reasons:  1) I didn’t make time for a well-prepared canned speech and 2) I thought answering a bunch of their questions would be more fun.  I was right.  Here are the unedited questions I could remember immediately after getting back to my office that day:

5th grade:
Why do we go to war?
What was the most interesting trial you’ve had?
Where did you sleep in Iraq?
How long was the plane ride to Iraq?
Can the planes land somewhere secret and covered up?
Do y’all go to counseling or something for when you shoot a bunch of people for a long time and then come back and think you’re wanting to beat your wife?

4th grade:
If you use night vision glasses, isn’t everything green?
My brother got a video game where he wears a gas mask and dogs chase him for training–do you do that?
How long does it take to put on your uniform?
Why did you drop a bomb on Japan?
Weren’t children killed when the bomb was dropped on Japan?
Have you been shot?
Why would anyone want to be a lawyer?
How come y’all object all the time?

2nd grade:
If my momma doesn’t like a man and gets another man to hurt him, will my momma go to jail?
Why do men get raped in jail?
Why did the President make a law that boys can’t hit girls?
Why do people go to jail?
Why do people steal?
Can I go to jail for lying?
If someone break into my house, do he go to jail?
How can someone break into a house anyway?
-another kid:  My daddy just climb up the side o’ the house.
How come you got 2 jobs?
–another kid:  ‘Cause he like money.

In my next post, I’ll reveal my answers to these questions.